SOMEDAY YOU’LL THANK ME FOR THIS
The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Being a “Perfect” Mother
A SNEAK PREVIEW
YOU MIGHT BE A SOUTHERN MOTHER IF:
You have an enormous library of small-format videotapes documenting your child’s every move since your first sonogram.
You think mace is a handy substitute for Cajun-flavored cooking spray.
You know the route and schedule of every soccer/ballet/fencing/karate mom in the PTA.
You think ‘cheerleading’ is an honorable major for your daughter at University of Mississippi, though you feel a double major in M.R.S. is best.
You have helped your daughter cram for the all-important exam for her M.R.S. degree. Some people call their exams ‘finals’. The M.R.S. seeking student calls them ‘vows’.
You took the initiative to help pick your daughters husband, silver pattern, nanny, honeymoon destination, and even the flowers in the table decorations – at her birth.
You have more to accomplish, less time to do it, and a tighter budget than when you had your first child.
You know the proper technique for hanging and dressing venison.
You actually shot the deer yourself.
Your hunting dogs have better manners than your children (and cost a lot more, too)
You participate in a county-wide exchange program for domestic help when holidays and birthdays come around.
You straighten up the house prior to your housekeeper’s arrival for fear she will quit if she sees how things really get some days.
Your cell number is on your sons’ teachers’ speed dial.
You keep a discreet stash of sedatives for the days when report cards come home.
You have made generous donations to the alumni association at your school to ensure your daughters acceptance.
You frequently find yourself asking, “Who’s bringing the cheese straws?”
You always ask, when encountering somebody at a social gathering, “How’s your mo-thuh?”
—with Hugh Dickson Gayden Miller